YOU KNOW RULES ARE A BORE BUT JUST TO KEEP YOU FROM DANGER I AM THE LAW

Judge Dredd fortunately proved the UK can do it's own comic book heroes (or anti heroes in this case) thank you very much.

If we can forget the Hollywood debacle that was the 1995 Judge Dredd film, starring in the title role that actor of immense pose, expression and acting acumen, Sylvester Stallone. And look at the comic book character with more dimensions than some actors.

Debuted in 1977's second issue of 2000AD, Judge Dredd, policeman, up-holder of the law and full time, full on right-winger has remained popular even since. Never very far from satire but hard edged and never shying away from reflecting back at society a near prefect mirror image of istself, Dredd has never compromised on his duty.

Famously chasing one prep for dropping litter and clocking up all the crimes committed by said prep as she chases him down. And again, when distroying half of Mega City One to rid it of invaders. Sometimes with Dredd the cure can most certainly be worse than the illness.

His catch phrase of: I am the law is so much better than Up, up and away.

IS IT A BIRD? IS IT A PLANE? NO, IT'S JUST SHEER BLOODY EMBARRASSMENT

I could do the date thing and make some excuse for 1976 and maybe the 70s in general but no. Rumours where flying thick and fast in comicdom circa 1975 that Marvel US where about to give the good old UK it's very first superhero.

Trust me, amongst comic fans, there was a frenzy......of sorts, for people with inter-personal er issues. But we were about to get one of very own superheroes, so what could possibly go wrong? I mean Marvel had been doing the superhero thing in their own back yard for decades....how hard could it be?

Marvel's then publisher, Stan Lee, even crossed the pond on a UK promo tour. I tuned into BBC's regional news program Nationwide and awaiting with bated breath for Stan (The Man) Lee to bestow upon the unbelievers why comics were not childish or just for children.

And you what he attributed the success of comics too? Sound affects. You know. Biff, boom, bash, sock. Very Batman TV series. I just curled up and tried not to die. Luckly for me my parents were in another room.

And Captain Britain? It was awful and worse still, came with a free Captain Britain mask. Fan - bloody - tastic. .....NOT.

Whilst the Captain would get better, once UK writers got hold of him, Stan Lee would never be the same in my eyes again. And four years later he would include a personal letter in the first issue of very important comic book magazine which opened with the line: Hi there, culture lovers.

I cringed them and I'm cringing now.

Oi, Lee! No!

BUT WHO REALLY WATCHES THE WATCHMEN?

As much as I dislike the concept of muscle-bound super-heroes, and I do, UK born Alan Moore took a hell of a lot of coals to Newcastle and not so much beat the indigenous talent at their own game, sending out-dated and out-moded superheroes in a whole new, more realistic direction.

I still can't stand them to this day but Moore's rag-tag collection of insane, washed-up, self-absorbed, selfish, bumbling and emotionally retarded heroes cast a certain dye in 1986 that can still be detected today not only in comic books but also films based on them.

The Watchmen itself is likely to become a movie at some point which is a pity because it's reputation will no doubt be tarnished. Reduced to a focus group of people who like their superheroes neat, caped and unlikely to question their existence.......let alone yours.

O SUPERMAN

It was difficult to share my excitement with all my other comic book collecting friends when I saw this particular cover by John Byrne.

They were mostly excited by it's collectability, which I won't bore you with now except to say it was a real must have and one to stash away for future profit. The writer, Chris Claremont, had used the highly original title for this edition of 'Days Of Future Past'. Very Moody Blue.

But I digress. Look at the cover as I did and how I relished those words: Slain. If there's one thing more enjoyable to my mind than one dead superhero, it's two dead superheroes!

I've never really liked then but alas I have always been surrounded by comic fans who did. Worse still I let them influence me. So, I gave up my love of horror comics, war comics and SF comics to a bunch of prats in capes and tights.

Of course I regret that.

But for one brief shining moment I thought superheroes had had their day and good riddance to the lot of them. Except possibly for Batman, who wasn't an alien, didn't get exposed to gamma rays or get bitten by a radioactive spider. Some one simply slaughtered his parents and that sent him off the deep end.

Except Days Of Future Past was set in the future and the tights and spandex weren't really dead at all.

I cried for days mind; so near and yet so far.

It Really Isn't Over Till The Fat Lady Sings

Stray what? Well, yes, exactly, that's what I thought. But that did not stop me buying all four issues of this little oddity from Bill Sienkiewicz. Which I dutifully read, bagged and slotted into my comic collection; waiting for the value to increase and my fortune to be made.

Which it never did. I sold the series on eBay a few years ago to a French man who knew pretension when he saw it and lapped it up. I think I made my money back but then again, maybe not.

But I enjoyed the actual sale more than usual due to my ex-wife sighting all four issues of Stray Toasters in our divorce settlement; along with a copper bottomed pot. I never really got her way of thinking when we were actually married and I certainly didn't get it after.

I'm not sure her lawyers did either but monkeys preform remarkably well when you pay them. I never agreed to hand over the Stray Toasters and that was that.

I think she's still singing for them now.

Pretentious, Moi?

Heavy Metal was not, in this case, a magazine devoted to loud music by socially challenged men in beards and jeans that could stand up on their own.

It was an Americanised version of the French magazine Metal Hurlent, which published European comic art and stories. However, although some European art sneaked through as Heavy Metal progressed it became more and more Americana in it ways. Not quite superhero a go-go but pretty close.

And it rapidly moved away from its origins of progression and development in comics and quickly settled on a tits and ass approach; even to robotics.

It was more likely to attract the sort of male, 14 - 22, who's ideal fantasy of sex and complete female adoration, could be catered for. You, know, the ones with the hygiene issues.

But for a short time it was less Playboy and more art movement for comic books in general. Which also made it incredibly pretentious! But guess which of those two evils I would have settled for?

Moi!

QUIET GENIUS AT WORK - Will Eisner Gone But Not Forgotten

One of the few memories I treasure of buying comics at specially set up indoor markets (my first were at Chelsea Town Hall, on the Kings Road, 1978ish, very posh, very punk), are the comics I didn't buy. But I won't bore you with that here. It's tempting, but no. You have a life to live and, hey, so do I!

Glancing around at the various tables, strewn with new comics, old comics, over priced comics, there was a cover less hard back book, gold lettering which spelling out: A Contract With God by Will Eisner. I heard some stuff about this but I wasn't thinking too hard at the time (I was a teenager after all). I recalled it was the work of some famous comic book artist who was big in the 1940s and 50s, so probably not that good really. I passed it by, probably headed for the that month's X Men comic.

I'd also heard it was a graphic novel, whatever that was; it sounded beyond my tastes anyway. And ooooh look who's in this months Fantastic Four!!

Even a few years later when Will Eisner's Spirit comic book character was popular with comic collectors, I'd just frown and say I just don't get what all the fuss is about. Eisner's art wasn't too my taste then. It seemed old (the Spirit was being reprinted from the 40's and the 50's) and old meant boring, and old meant past it and old meant it wasn't for me!

Except. It was for me.

It would just take me me three decades to understand that Eisner was a genius of the medium. A Contract with God, contains no superheroes, no fisty-cuffs, no bland dialogue, no childishness, just stories about real people, in real times, facing real dilemmas. You know, you and me.

Eisner's Spirit series (I'll scan one of the covers in real soon) has been reprinted in hardback and I'm buying them when I can; just another 37 or so volumes to go. But, regardless of age, the good always shines through. It's just sometimes I overlook it. Like a lot of things in life.

Thankfully, with comics though, there's often a chance to go back and correct mistakes and misconceptions. Life, on the other hand, is hardly like that at all.

Now you know why I became a comic book reader.